Peter blue!!!!

So I have realized that every new friend or guy let me put it that way. After meeting someone new I tend to lie about my minor bad habit I have encountered.
I started smoking back in high school but was not addicted. I managed to quiet two years before I finished school but when I started university and its stress I had no option but to go back to my little stress reliever called peter styvesant. Aka peter blue. I usually see people look at me when I smoke. They might be thinking is she trying to be cool? Hahaha I have heard it all. But the reason I smoke is because I panic a lot. I stress more than any average person and I suffer from anxiety attacks so it helps keep my blood pressure low n normal. Every guy I have dated has had a problem with my smoking but I tell them you found me like this you shall leave me like this. The only favour I do is not smoke in front of my boyfriend.
When I fell pregnant with ntokozo when I was six months I took a break because I didn't want complications and after she turned 3 months I went back because anxiety was hitting me hard.
So next time you see someone smoke please do not judge them. Ask yourself if there is a reason why they do such cause the answer to that will shock you.
You should see the look on black women when they see me smoke. You would swear I killed someone hahahahha. Black people are so judgmental.