Thursday, 1 March 2012
cuttting the umbilical cord
I must say each week i learn something new about motherhood . I have always wondered why even at my age my mom still treats me like her baby. At times i get annoyed because i mean i am a mother now with my own family but not in her eyes. I never understood that until what i experienced this week with Ntokozo.
She was suppose to start nursery school a month ago but i keep postponing it. Not sure why but each time i think of her being alone or with all the other kids i get cold feet. To be honest i am not ready to for that .Is this normal ? i have never left her with strangers before its a difficult matter.
I have never said this but i am raising Ntokozo with my parents. Her father and i wanted different things in life so we parted. Its not easy but i am happy. Please don't feel sorry or sad because i am very proud!
This week i came across myself thinking that what kind of child will Ntokozo be without a father? Don't get me wrong my dad has been there for me n her every step and has tried to fufil the grandfather role along with the father role but here is the thing what will i tell my daughter in 20years time when it is time to tell her the truth that her father never wanted her.........
Each day in my head i think of stories i could tell Ntokozo when the time comes to tell her the truth; 1-ntokozo your father died while crossing the border to another country.
2-He was a well known gangster who got mixed up with the wrong people eKasi.
I'm still thinking of more excuses but a close person to me once said how about you tell her the truth ......
hard as it may be i don't think i will ever do that.